Olaf's Theatre Troup Randomness
by PhookaUpsidedown
Summary: Prepare your brains for complete retardatia as the Troupe...act stupid, like they do. Rated T for stuff I'm gonna add later.
1. In Which Carmelita Ruins Breakfast

Olaf's Theater Troupe Randomness

Chapter 1: Morning Time with Carmelita

Every morning at Olaf's mansion it was Olaf's job of waking up everyone else, and as soon as this was done, the lazy-asses would have to fend for themselves because he would go to his tower, plot, and drink wine. The bald-headed man, the person with no identifiable gender, and the white-faced women were easy to wake up. Fernald, the man with hooks instead of hands, was more of a problem.

"Hooks, get up!" Olaf yelled at the sleeping figure on the couch.

"Ten more minutes, mum…" Fernald mumbled, burying his face in his dark green jacket.

The others chortled a bit at Olaf being called 'mum', but Olaf himself was not amused.

"I am not your mother!" he said sternly, rapping Hooks on the head with the closest thing, which happened to be a boot (which belonged to Hooks himself).

Fernald awoke with a start. "Okay, okay, I'm up! Jeez…" he said grumpily, rubbing his head with the back of his hook.

Olaf just grunted in satisfaction and left. As soon as he was gone, Fernald just lay back down, trying to go back to sleep.

"You're gonna get in trouble," scorned one of the white-faced women, shaking the young man's shoulder.

"Yeah, Hooksie, you better get up!" said the bald man, a wicked grin on his face.

"Why should I?" mumbled Fernald, opening one eye slowly.

"Hmmm….I dunno, _this!_" said Baldy, grabbing Fernald's legs and yanking him off the couch.

Fernald landed on the floor with a loud _THUMP _and a groan. He raised his hooks in defeat and got up, mumbling curses at the bald man. They all were on their way to get breakfast of whatever was in the kitchen when there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it," said Fernald sleepily after a second of everyone giving him the 'get-the-flipping-door' glare.

They could all hear Fernald's boots clunking down the hall and the click as the door opened. Then there was a noise that was not expected and much hated.

"Hi Cakesniffer!"

A yell reverberated through the house and there was another _THUMP _as Fernald hit the floor. Then the sound of heels came down the hall instead of the clunking of boots that the rest of the troupe was expecting and in the doorway appeared Carmelita Spats and Esme Squalor. Inwardly, the group groaned, but outwardly, a word which here means 'so that Carmelita and Esme could see', they smiled. The bald man roughly stood, and picked his way pass the two identically dressed women and got out into the hall.

"Hello, Troupe," said Esme brightly. "You know, I don't think that Hooky is feeling well, he just kind of passed out."

The troupe just nodded as yells came from the hallway. They were easy to hear.

"Hooks, just come on!"

"NO! NEVER! I WON'T GO IN THERE!" came the replied shout. "NO, NO, NO, NO, N-"

Fernald stopped mid-'no' as he was dragged into the kitchen, where everyone was staring.

"Hi," he said with a sheepish grin and a wave of a hook.

He then dashed back out of the room while the bald man wasn't grabbing his arm and started to try to find a hiding place. The bald man was right on his heels, however, and by the time they got back to the kitchen, Esme had gone and left Carmelita, and some instructions, much to the dismay of the troupe.

"We have to do what Carmelita says to do…we gotta fix her the food she wants…and we have to entertain her…"

"Ehhhhhhhhh…" moaned Hooks grumpily, then took a sip of the wine that had been place at the table for breakfast. This rewarded him with some head smacks, like usual. "Oh, yeah, abuse the man with hook hands…harrumph…"

"So…what does she want us to do?" asked Baldy wearily.

"Amuse her. AKA, act like idiots when she says to."

"Pleasant…"

"Ah-yup," mumbled Hooks.

"SHUT UP, HOOKS!"

Hooks took a swig of wine. "Harrumph…"


	2. In Which They Play Dress Up

"Dress up time!"

"What?"

"You heard me, Hooks! Now put on this pirate costume!"

It was around eleven when Carmelita decided that they play dress up. She herself would be a ballerina princess veterinarian fairy…thing. Baldy would be a monkey, the white faced women would be dancers, and of course Hooks would be a pirate. The person with no gender had surprisingly snuck away. It took a while, and Baldy had to help Hooks when the young man's hooks got stuck in the jacket, but eventually the group stood in front of Carmelita.

There were a few times when Hooks had tried to sneak off, but every time, one of the others grabbed his ear and dragged him back.

"Soo…now what?" said Hooks.

"You guys get to watch me dance!" said Carmelita sweetly.

"Fuck," the four whispered in unison as they sat down in their costumes.

About four minutes into Carmelita's Dance O Doom, Hooks had fallen asleep like he do, Baldy was on the verge of copying Hooks, and the women were keeping Baldy up by pinching him.

"WHY….ISN'T…HOOKS…AWAKE!" screeched Carmelita, stomping a heeled foot.

At the sharp click, Hooks jerked awake.

"Where're th' cannons?" he muttered, looking around, positively bewildered.

Carmelita stalked up to Hooks.

"Why…weren't…you…awake?"

"Was I not?" asked Hooks, trying to sound innocent.

"NO!" she yelled.

Hooks stood, preparing to run the hell away, but his left hook got caught.

"Dammit, I officially hate you Charlie," grumbled Hooks as he tried to free his hook.

There was a silence, then Carmelita, standing in front of Hooks, raised a foot. The foot lashed out and-

"MEEEF!" squeaked Hooks, collapsing on the ground, tears welling in his eyes.

The others laughed.

"Not….funny!" choked out Hooks.

Baldy, still laughing, got off the couch and sat next to Hooks. "So, you named your hook Charlie?"

"Ohh, shush it…"

"What about your other one?"

"Sam."

Hooks stuck out his tongue and stood, taking the pirate hat off with a headbang and taking off the fake eyepatch.

"What're you doing, Hooks?" screeched Carmelita.

"I'm going to Burger King."

Hooks struggled out of the pirate jacket and put on his normal one. Then he went out the door.

"OY, WAIT UP!" yelled Baldy, taking his costume of a monkey mask off and running through the door.

"Okay, girls, let's dance!" said Carmelita in her sweet voice.

"Dammit!"

**Yay for incredibly short chapters of causing Hooks pain! Don't worry, Hooks fans, he shall have his revenge!**


End file.
